


Because I love you

by tallglassofsuho



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 20:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3582408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tallglassofsuho/pseuds/tallglassofsuho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Did you honestly expect anything else?"<br/>"I don't quite know what I expected, I just..."<br/>"Stop. Don't embarrass yourself anymore,"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because I love you

**Author's Note:**

> I uh...Kinda just spilled this out like two hours ago because I had a lot of pent up emotions, please enjoy the aftermath.

"Did you honestly expect anything else?"  
"I don't quite know what I expected, I just..."  
"Stop. Don't embarrass yourself anymore," he scoffed while standing up, walking away without another word. He did not argue, did not speak, did not move. He was an idiot for trying. Who cared anymore, it was over. They were over. Fuck did he feel empty, now he was alone. Well, not quite now, rather again. He felt useless because honestly, there was no one left to care about him.  
"I'm sorry..." He spoke to himself, apologizing to God knows what. There was no point in it, honestly, but who cared? There was nobody left to care. 

Minseok sat there, his chest ached far to much to stand. Who'd blame him? The last person who could ever be there for him had just gone up and left him, was there anything left in this sorrowful thing he called a life?  
No.  
There never was, he just, just, held on. For him. But it was all over, Luhan left him and took the last of the light away with him. 

It took him a few minutes to find that composure to stand and the moment he did, he felt sick. The darkness was creeping back to him, seducing him with cruel whispers. It toyed with him like a rag doll, pulling him every which way until his seams could not handle it.  
And he broke.  
Luhan was always there to piece him back together, soft kisses while he stitched him up for the hundredth time. It was always okay because he had him, nobody could hurt him when Luhan was around. But look at him now, a pitiful boy with a broken heart, ripping at the seams once again.  
Who would stitch him up this time? There were no delicate hands and sweet kisses to nurse him back this time, he was and forever would be alone but it was okay. He liked it that way, nobody was around to hurt him. He would be safe if he was alone. Everybody would be so much happier if he was. 

He wouldn't be such a nuisance on those people he cared about. 

It was...For the best.

The orange bottles were scattered over the blindingly white tile floor of his bathroom, they stuck out like fucking eyesores but that didn't matter anymore.  
He would finally be at peace.  
Minseok found himself with a hand full of white and blue capsules, sitting, in his Sunday best, in a slowly filling tub. The water that enveloped him was warm, he felt safe.  
Death wasn't going to be that scary, was it? 

Nobody told him what happened afterwards. He expected to be dressed to the nines in a wooden box, his weak smile faintly gracing his lips. No, he did not get that luxury. He was in a white room that reeked of rubbing alcohol, the rhythmic beeping beside him let him know that he was indeed alive. He hated knowing. He hated, hated breathing.  
Kim Minseok hated knowing he was forced to do this day in and day out.  
All he wanted was to die, why would nobody grant him is wish? Was God playing with him? Maybe he really was just a poor little rag doll that got played with to roughly. He was ripped beyond repair this time, no amount of thread could piece that mess back together.  
"Minseok..."  
His blood ran cold at that all to familiar voice, no. He couldn't see him, not like this. Not in this way. He was in ruins, nobody deserved to see him like this. He didn't need their pity.  
"Min please, look at me."  
"Go away, Luhan."  
"Not until you tell me why."  
"You don't get to be angry about this," He breathed, "You don't have the fucking right! You're the reason I'm laying here right now. You had to come in and tell me you loved me, didn't you? Do you see where that got us?"  
"Stop..."  
"No. Luhan, I'm sorry but this is no place for you. I don't need you at my bedside. You left me. That's the point, you toyed with a broken boy and fuck...You played to rough. I don't," Minseok swallowed back the lump forming in his throat, "Just leave me here to rot, you've done it before so it shouldn't be hard."  
Silence lingered in that stale hospital air, Luhan's soft eyes did not leave him for a moment.  
"I'm sorry..." It was odd hearing those words from somebody else, he was so used to it rolling off his own tongue. The words had become engraved into his wrists after so long, lacing themselves into each and every sentence he uttered.  
"Why won't you just let me die...? You've been keeping me alive for so long, Lu, I'm so tired. You don't understand."  
"Because I love you."


End file.
